Last night I fell asleep snuggled with my newest friend grindle in his huge bed, with carrie & val beside us. It was silly but I'd been waiting for a chance to be alone with him and I couldn't help wishing the other girls weren't there. I did a pretty fantastic job of not molesting him all night long. Well, we got to sleep around 3ish and woke up at 7...so it was really more of an extended nap than all night, but still. I kept things on the platonic, despite the fact that I could feel his arousal during an accidental groping. I let my hands wander south during the waking up portion, and he moved them not once but twice, which was definitely a sign not to proceed further. I'm glad I took it as thus and hadn't pressed the issue the night before. Falling asleep in his arms felt really nice and comfortable, but I've been sort of baffled by how I feel and why. I knew I was attracted when I met him. We shared a kiss at a decibel party a few weeks ago, but as we've gotten to know each other better nothing has progressed past that. We seem to keep missing each other, and despite plans to hang out, it just hasn't. Which, under different circumstances, would bum me out or at least frustrate me - and yet, I'm very open to the possibility of good times, but I don't have my heart set on anything. Even before my decision to move, I'd laid it out in my head that all I really had to offer was a very casual relationship, and it probably wasn't fair to him to enter into anything new. What was confusing tho, was whether he was into me, or not. Thus enters the uncertainty that's been known to drive me mad.

I spent a few hours today thinking about it, in fact. I don't have much time, so exerting energy into a situation that isn't going to happen seems pretty futile, and simply a waste of what little time I have. Plus, it's got the potential to make things uncomfortable - and I'd rather be able to go take baths without it being implied that I'm just there trying to get laid. Coz really, I'm not about to lose my bathtub privileges coz I can't keep my hands to myself.

So tonight on the walk home, I texted him saying I was pondering a bath but also needed sleep, and if he'd be amenable to a juju in his bed. He replied with no, that he wasn't all mentally there as he was preparing for a visit with the lost love of his life. That needed to be sorted out first.

I replied that I understood, and was thankful for his honesty. With so many things going on, it was good to have one less uncertainty. And yanno, I was glad to know that at least I wasn't imagining anything, and now I know not to continue the flirtation. Coz really, why compound confusion? I'm sure I'll get plenty of that once I'm back in SF.

In the meantime... I totally should have gone home with the hot stupid guy from the pub.

Before � � After